Sometimes Sleep is Nonexistent

Sometimes I lay awake tossing and turning wondering what's wrong with me. Sometimes I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night thinking that I totally forgot something that I needed to do during the past day or panicking that when I wake up for the day I won't be able to get anything accomplished. 

There's feeling of self doubt, anxiety, self pity, and sometimes anger. 

My imagination gets the best of me. I begin to think about what it would be like if I punched so and so in the face spiting them for the ways they fucked me over. I begin the think about what if something didn't go as well as I planned at work. What if everyone hates my ideas and laughs in my face. Thoughts like this run rampant in my head wondering all the possible outcomes of my actions. 

I think about all the friends I had, have, and have drifted away and seem to far to even reel back into my life. It's sad actually, because I begin to count the people I fell close to and realize I give too much of myself to everyone that I don't really pay attention to those who really matter.

Other times I just wake up thirsty and need to chug 80oz of water. 

It's hard to think you're not crazy when you're lying awake for 5 hours and you know you have a crazy day ahead of you and you want to do is sleep.Slumber is  hard thing to come by every once in a while. 


Oh the things that keep you awake at night.

Anger. Anxiety. Fear.

Stress.

The one thing I will never understand is how parents did it. I was an emotional child and teenager who panicked about everything and tried to control what I could around me. My mother is a god send for dealing with her own stress and then dealing with me crying to her and hoping she could piece me back together. I still rely on her to this day to tell me that everything is going to be okay and I'm lucky to be alive. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommas that birthed people like me. 

Everyone deals with stress in a different way.  If stress is keeping you up at night, the worst thing to do is lay in bed and try to force your eyes to shut and your mind to drift into dream world (sadly, this wont work).

This is how I try to put my stress to rest and try to get myself back to sleep and say good night to stress. 

• Inhale while counting to 8. Pause. Exhale while counting to 10. 
• Take a moment and read a couple chapters of your current read. 
• Go to your yoga map and do a 15 minute calming practice. 
• Rest your legs against the wall and take deep breaths.
• Light a candle and put your focus on the flame.

Any form of meditation will greatly help you put your mind at rest and get rid of the possible negative thoughts in your mind. 

If all else fails, might as well do something productive.  

Right?

That's how this blog post came about!

Now try to get some beauty rest, because I know I need it. 

-xx Sarah