Sometimes Sleep is Nonexistent

Sometimes I lay awake tossing and turning wondering what's wrong with me. Sometimes I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night thinking that I totally forgot something that I needed to do during the past day or panicking that when I wake up for the day I won't be able to get anything accomplished. 

There's feeling of self doubt, anxiety, self pity, and sometimes anger. 

My imagination gets the best of me. I begin to think about what it would be like if I punched so and so in the face spiting them for the ways they fucked me over. I begin the think about what if something didn't go as well as I planned at work. What if everyone hates my ideas and laughs in my face. Thoughts like this run rampant in my head wondering all the possible outcomes of my actions. 

I think about all the friends I had, have, and have drifted away and seem to far to even reel back into my life. It's sad actually, because I begin to count the people I fell close to and realize I give too much of myself to everyone that I don't really pay attention to those who really matter.

Other times I just wake up thirsty and need to chug 80oz of water. 

It's hard to think you're not crazy when you're lying awake for 5 hours and you know you have a crazy day ahead of you and you want to do is sleep.Slumber is  hard thing to come by every once in a while. 


Oh the things that keep you awake at night.

Anger. Anxiety. Fear.

Stress.

The one thing I will never understand is how parents did it. I was an emotional child and teenager who panicked about everything and tried to control what I could around me. My mother is a god send for dealing with her own stress and then dealing with me crying to her and hoping she could piece me back together. I still rely on her to this day to tell me that everything is going to be okay and I'm lucky to be alive. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommas that birthed people like me. 

Everyone deals with stress in a different way.  If stress is keeping you up at night, the worst thing to do is lay in bed and try to force your eyes to shut and your mind to drift into dream world (sadly, this wont work).

This is how I try to put my stress to rest and try to get myself back to sleep and say good night to stress. 

• Inhale while counting to 8. Pause. Exhale while counting to 10. 
• Take a moment and read a couple chapters of your current read. 
• Go to your yoga map and do a 15 minute calming practice. 
• Rest your legs against the wall and take deep breaths.
• Light a candle and put your focus on the flame.

Any form of meditation will greatly help you put your mind at rest and get rid of the possible negative thoughts in your mind. 

If all else fails, might as well do something productive.  

Right?

That's how this blog post came about!

Now try to get some beauty rest, because I know I need it. 

-xx Sarah

Save Your Hair with Apple Cider Vinegar!

I’ve always been asked how do I take care of my hair. I’ve never been one to dye my hair (even though I bleached my ends not too long ago), apply intense amounts of heat, or purchase expensive shampoos and conditioners.I just can’t stand the idea of purchasing an over commercialized hair product that never follows through on what it promises. I decided to say no to the expensive products and find other alternatives. So how do I keep my hair healthy without the over priced and chemical ridden products?

Apple Cider Vinegar.

I know that the idea of it can be a little odd and apple cider vinegar doesn’t have the best smell, but sometimes beauty is pain.

Apple Cider Vinegar has so many benefits, but my favorite has to be that’s it’s great for your hair.  An ACV hair rinse might be just what you need if you find that your hair is looking dull, brittle, overly dirty because of hair product, or have a couple dandruff issues!

Washing your hair with ACV can restore the pH balance balance in your hair. Most commercial hair products will have a negative effect on your hair (that’s what makes it dry and brittle!). Apple Cider Vinegar removes the build up but keeps the hair healthy without stripping the natural oils. That’s what will close up the cuticles of your hair and give you that glamorous shine that celebrities have talked about when they’re endorsing cosmetic companies.

It’s just all around great for your locks. I suggest you give it a shot to naturally treat your hair and to feel free of the cruddy build-up that’s been settling on your head.

All you need is Raw Apple Cider Vinegar and tap water.

What you nee:

2-5 tablespoons of organic raw apple cider vinegar

1 cups of water

How to:

1. Decide how much apple cider vinegar to use. If you have short/finer hair, use 2 tablespoons. If your have thick/coarse hair use up to 5 tablespoons. Then mix with 1 cup of water.
2. Wash hair with your regular shampoo and rinse thoroughly.
3. Slowly allow the apple cider vinegar mixture pour over your head while avoiding your eyes.
4. Massage the mixture into your scalp.
5. Leave for 2-3 minutes and rinse.
6. Dry and style like normal!

There might be a slight odor when you are done washing your hair, but no worries, it will go away after a couple hours. Doing this technique twice a week may help increase hair growth and assist your hair health without taking vitamins that promise hair health. It’s also a great inexpensive way to keep your hair in great shape.

I remember the first time I tried this rinse, I felt like my waves and curls came back to life.

Just trust me on this one.

I promise you won’t regret it.

xx-Sarah

breathing can be difficult

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I’ve been locked up in the same spot for what feels like an hour. My heart is racing and the deep breathing exercises I was told to do just don’t work as well as everyone says it does.

Inhale.

I hold my breath and shut my eyes so tight hoping it will help me remember what I need to do and what needs to be done.

Exhale.

My arms and legs begin to tingle and my hands become clammier by the second. It’s almost like someone has a hold on my esophagus and has paralyzed my thoughts, actions, and ability to act like a normal human being. I begin to cut people off and become hostile. My eyes avert from side to side trying to find a task or a single thought to focus on. My co-worker comes up and asks me a question.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

Shit. Almost forgot to breathe.

“Wait. What did you say?

... I don’t know.”

Exhale.

My response was hasty. I instantly feel bad, but don’t know how to say I’m sorry and explain what’s going on in my mind. Focusing on breath is a task in itself.

I begin to do the one thing I know how to do.

Grin and Bear it.

anx·i·e·ty

/aNGˈzīədē/

noun

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

18% of the United States population suffer from anxiety disorders. Sometimes it’s difficult to admit that one is hindered by their own emotions. Sometimes it’s difficult to move forward and prove that a disorder rules one’s life.

Sometimes you never know when you’re going to start feeling okay. Most times you don’t even understand why you feel the way you do. There is always that little bit of stress that follows you around and pokes you. It’s the annoying little brother who is waving their finger in front of your face saying “I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you.” When you finally shout, “STOP” everything just comes crumbling down.

A mountain filled with obstacles,  tasks, to-dos, and problems that constantly mock you until you face them head on. Spinning around in circles and waiting for your internal compass to point your in the right direction. Then when you finally figure out where you’re going, you try to face this monster of a mountain, it seems easier to turn around to hide and try to find a happy place.

As I typed this I began to feel a sense of worry and self doubt. All these words and emotions bleeding through my fingers start to jumble up together and make no sense to anyone but myself. Maybe that’s why it’s more simple to give up and never finish what was started. Maybe that’s why I find it difficult to explain myself or explain what I want to do.

Anxiety doesn’t turn you into a different person. Anxiety doesn’t need to rule your life.

Inhale. Exhale.

I’ll always be me.

Please, don’t take anything to personal if I cut you off or seem distracted when you are telling me a story. I didn’t mean to act that way towards you. Don't worry if I decide I need to stay home and that I can't be around others. Sometimes I just need to hear that everything is going to be okay and that everything will work out one day. Just wrap your arms around me and promise that the feeling of self doubt and worry won’t last long. Every little thing will be all right.

Alright.

I am not my anxiety.

I am not going anywhere.

Baby, I'm back.

xx -Sarah

Why I switched to the Diva Cup

WARNING: This topic isn't for the immature or boys.

It's for women who have questioned what is actually in their feminine products and want to make a change for their own bodies.

Tampons have become such an everyday thing that women completely disregard what is sitting inside of their bodies! Yeah, toxic shock syndrome isn't something that people really worry about today. Tampons and pads contain chemicals with carcinogens and chemicals that leak into your body and landfills! GROSS. 

Not to mention- Monsanto's herbicide, glyphosate, was tested positive in 85% in feminine products. Glyphosate was also found in cotton swabs which could be a health issue in hygiene. 

A couple months ago I decided to stop using tampons and other disposable feminine products. I switched to the Diva Cup and it was probably one of the better descions I've made. 

What is a menstrual cup?

There are many brands of menstrual cups. They are silicon plastic cups that sits inserted in your vagina when "Aunt Flo" is in town. You can wear a cup up to 12 hours and not have to worry about nasty chemicals that could potentially harm your body. 

Menstrual cups are made with 100% hypoallergenic sillicon and they're reusable. You are savings money by not having to buy feminine products! One box of tampnts is $7. That's over $84 dollars a year in saving cash.

Not to mention I never have to worry about running out and it's always handy in the medicine cabinet. 

Here's a couple things to keep in mind if you switch to the Diva Cup: 

1. It's going to feel awkward at first, but practice makes perfect! 
2. Take a couple deep breaths and insert on an exhale.
3. It's okay to keep a couple tampons for back up (sometimes you'll want it!)

Just don't be nervous to try new things! 

Be fearless

xx-Sarah